Unstable Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7


The next couple weeks for me were hell. My back ached from the hard, unused mattress I was left with, the room was cold all the time except when the sun was shining directly in, I couldn't sleep because I felt the urge to chat with someone, an the only someone I wanted to talk to was ignoring my very existence. Oh, AND all my stuff was still in Zhou Mi's room and I couldn't get it because Zhou Mi had started locking it during the day. And since he was avoiding me so effectively, I couldn't ask for him to unlock it. I tried asking Geng for the key, but for some reason he didn't have one, which left me questioning his position as our boss.

Plus, the lack of 'Zhou Mi time,' as Wookie called it, was making me loose my motivation to work. My body always felt heavy, and sluggish. It was a real chore to even feed everyone, so Wookie and Yesung had started helping me. I hardly smiled anymore, and I was certain I hadn't laughed since before Zhou Mi was sick. The only physical stimulation I got everyday was feeding Siwon since I had to crawl on the floor, and then I went right back to sulking in the commons while I supervised Eunhyuk and Donghae.

I laid in bed, still moping, and shivered under the thin blanket, thinking about how my depression was only getting worse. Deciding that I should actually get up and shower since I had been without one for a few days now, I sighed and dragged myself out of bed, grabbing a borrowed change of clothes and a towel from the small set of drawers across from my bed. When I walked into the hall I heard the sound of the TV playing in the commons, probably Wookie and Yesung watching the news to keep up with what was happening in the world, but I ignored it and went the other way towards the showers.

When I walked into the showers I looked around to make sure no one was in there before I stripped. Wandering over to the counter, I tugged my shirt off over my head and tossed it to the floor, gasping at what I saw in the mirror. Apparently my depression was effecting my physique, because I had most definitely gained weight. My once lovely abs were now covered by a layer of fat that hid the definition and made me look flabby as a result. Horrified, I reached down and poked at my stomach, cringing as my finger sunk into the pudginess. Groaning in irritation, I stripped down the rest of my clothes and moved over the the shower stall, pulling the glass door shut as I continued to poke my stomach. I was reaching for the handle when it hit me.

The smell that is. It was Zhou Mi's shampoo. His body wash. The entire stall was flooded with it. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the wall, loving it. He must've just been in there before me. Sniffling and trying to think of something else, I turned on the water and nearly screamed at the scalding water that hit my hand, yanking it away and cowering in the corner where the water couldn't touch me. Whimpering, I examined the angry red welt on the back of my hand and wrist. So I did the manly thing and cried my eyes out the entire time I was washing myself, my tears mixing in with the shower water. And after I was done and I turned off the water, I continued to cry while I dried myself and dressed, yanking the brush through my hair, using all the pain as an excuse to cry.

I cradled my injured hand to my chest as I went to the front desk in search of the first aid kit. I found Heechul in there, painting his fingernails a bright pink. I stared at him until he turned around, a friendly smile on his face. "Hey Henry, want me to paint yours too?" He asked, his voice significantly higher than the last time he'd spoken. It took me a moment to realize that this was Nice Heechul.

I shook my head slowly. "No thanks, I was actually looking for the first aid kit."

His smile disappeared. "What happened?" He asked in a concerned voice. "Do you want me to help?"

"No it's fine. I wouldn't want your nail polish to chip." We both chuckled a little. "I just burned my hand in the shower, the water was super hot."

He pursed his lips in thought. "Ahhh, it was probably Zhou Mi, he was helping Yesung water his turtles." He pointed down at a cupboard. "The kit is in there, sit down and do it here, we can chat." He smiled again.

Meanwhile I was thinking. Great. He was punishing me on accident too. I sighed and placed the kit on the desk, aware that Heechul was staring at me as he blew softly on his nails.

"How's it going with Zhou Mi?" He asked innocently.

I widened my eyes. "How the hell do you know?!" I demanded, making him smile a little. "I've only talked to you, as Nice Heechul, once!!"

He laughed and started painting the other hand. "Unlike Normal Heechul, I, as well as the mean guy, know everything that happens to this body. We hear everything, we feel everything, and we experience everything. It's complicated." He finished with yet another smile.

I shook my head as I carefully smeared an anti-inflammatory gel over my hand. "You know, I'm not even surprised." We sat in silence for a moment. "In response to your question, not good. He still isn't speaking to me."

"Still?" Heechul said in disapproval.

"Yeah. I haven't seen him at all this week actually." I smiled sadly as I wrapped my hand with bandages. "He's excellent at keeping off the grid."

Heechul huffed and splayed his fingers on the desk. "I'm sure he's feeling sad too Henry. You're a sweet guy." I scoffed and he just laughed. "You really are, he's got to be missing you right now."

I shrugged and closed the first aid kit. "I don't think so." I closed my eyes and gazed out the front of the ward. "This week is going to suck." I murmured softly, hoping Heechul wouldn't hear me.

But he did of course. "Why is that Henry?" He asked curiously.

"Because, my birthday is on Tuesday."

His eyes widened and he sat up straight in his chair. "Tuesday?! That's in four days!! Why didn't you say anything?!"

I frowned miserably. "Because the love of my life hates me, I haven't slept a full night in weeks, and I'm fat, that's why."

"Henry. You are not fat."

"Yes I am!" I whined, pulling my shirt up to show him my flabby stomach. "Look at this! This was not here before!"

He stared at me blankly. "Henry, that is not fat, that is normal."

"I've never not had abs before Heechul! Even when I was a kid you could still sort of see my muscles."

He shook his head at me and started applying the top coat to his nails. "If it bothers you that much we have a small gym. Just use that."

I brightened instantly, seeming to have forgotten the Zhou Mi issue, and stood up. "Seriously?! Where is it?!"

He smiled knowingly at me. "Down the hall past the commons to the left. There's a shower in there too for after you're done." I barely heard that last part before I was gone down the hall.

I was like a hermit for the next four days. I lived in the gym, only coming out to eat one huge meal a day since Geng offered to feed my patients for me. I slept on a rock hard pallet on the floor and got up at dawn everyday to exercise. I started out with fifty push-ups, then fifty sit-ups, followed by fifty lunges, and then I got on the treadmill and ran five miles. A tad bit extreme, but I wanted my muscles back. After the treadmill I ventured out of my hole to eat lunch with Geng, Heechul, Wookie, and Yesung for about ten minutes before I crawled back to work off what I had just eaten. It was a horrible way of life, but by the dawn on my birthday I stood in front of one of the mirrored walls in the best shape of my life.

My abs and chest, while nice before, were now very defined and enviable along with my arms and even my legs. My entire body was basically a thin layer of skin encasing tight, hard muscles. But at the same time that I was satisfied and pleased with what I had achieved, it was almost gross. My abs were...too much. I looked like I was photoshopped or something. I sighed and scratched the back of my head, disgusted when I felt how greasy my hair was. Again, I hadn't showered since I began my fitness-routine. I was in the shower basking in the brilliance of the hot water after I was finished washing when someone entered my domain.

"Henry?" A voice called out timidly. "Are you...in here?"

It was Wookie, I thought as I turned off the water. "I'm in here." I called back, reaching out the curtain to grab my towel. Wrapping it around myself securely, I drew the curtain and stepped out, surprising Wookie who was wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt with the words "Han Psychiatric Ward" on the left side of his chest. Like always, his bunny was wrapped tightly in his arms.

"H-Henry?!" He exclaimed, his eyes huge as he stared at my body. "Is that really...what you've looked like...this whole time?!"

I laughed awkwardly and shook my head. "No, I was getting fat so I've been working out like a madman for the past couple days. I went a little overboard and now I look like this." I gestured to my too-perfect abs and went to grab some clothes...only to remember that I hadn't brought any with my from my room.

As if he'd  read my mind, he magically whipped out a pair of clean clothes. "Heechul told me...you would need this." He said shyly. "You should get...dressed quickly."

"How come, does he need me?" I asked seriously, walking around a corner to get dressed.

"No, but while you were...busy, Geng planned an...outing for your...birthday." Wookie sounded like he was smiling. I however, was too shocked to speak. "We're going to...go out with a...few patients that...are allowed outside."

"Who?" I asked, pulling my shirt on.

"Well me obviously, Yesung, Kyuhyun, Eeteuk, Heechul, Geng, and...Zhou Mi."

I stopped as I was running my fingers through my wet hair, my eyes wide. Zhou Mi was going? Did that he forgave me for yelling at him? For some reason I found that hard to believe. "Why is Zhou Mi coming?" I asked rather bitterly.

I walked out from around the corner and saw that he was frowning seriously. "Henry don't talk...like that. He cares...about you." He blinked at my skeptical look and sighed. "And...we needed more chaperones."

I nodded sadly, knowing there was a catch. "I figured. Who's watching the ward while we're gone then?"

"Kangin. He doesn't...like leaving the ward." Wookie shrugged and followed me out of the gym and down the hall towards the commons. "Something else...happened while you...were busy." He added, his voice tinged with excitement. I looked over at him curiously. He bit his bottom lip as if he was trying not to tell me. After a few seconds he couldn't hold it in. "Sungmin finished his detox!" He said in a rush, startling me.

I arched my eyebrows. "You're kidding,"

"No! He's really...sweet and interesting!" He chirped happily. "The two of us...are already friends."

"Wow..." I murmured, remembering Kyuhyun's reaction to the heroin addict. I found myself wondering what was going on there. Sure enough, when we reached the commons, I was unsurprised to find Kyuhyun basically at Sungmin's feet as he sat quietly in a chair by the TV. Before, the man was loud and sweaty, and screaming all day long, so seeing him peacefully watching TV with Eunhyuk and Donghae was a little strange. His eyes were big and bright, fixed on the screen as the two cartoon characters bashed each other over the head.

Kyuhyun however, was not relaxed. He was sitting on the floor in front of Sungmin, facing him slightly as he pretended to watch the screen. But he was really staring daggers at Heebum, who was purring as he was fawned over in Sungmin's lap. His fists were clenched as he frowned at the cat, narrowing his eyes even further as Sungmin slowly ran his hand along the length of Heebum's back.

When Wookie and I walked into the room, Sungmin turned and smiled shyly at me. "Hello Henry..." He murmured.

I smiled lightly back at him. "Nice to meet you now that you feel better Sungmin." I replied. He smiled a little bigger and I suddenly felt eyes on me. The culprit turned out to be Kyuhyun, who was glaring at me so evilly that I felt as if I was about to spontaneously combust. His gaze clearly said, 'Back away Henry, don't even think about it.' I frowned at him and turned to Wookie. "Shall we go get ready to leave?"

He nodded happily. "Oh yes...of course." As we were about to leave, I saw Kyuhyun reluctantly stand to follow us. Curious, we stopped to wait for him.

"I guess we'll be back later Sungmin." He said quietly, looking almost sadly down at him.

Sungmin looked up and smiled warmly, making a soft and surprising blush rise to the younger man's face. "Okay, see you when you get back Kyu." Wookie and I exchanged impressed looks as Sungmin turned back to the TV, forgetting about Kyuhyun standing there looking crestfallen.

"...Alright then..." Kyuhyun mumbled sadly as he turned and made his way over to us. His face as he walked down the hall towards the front desk was sad and moody, and it took a lot not to let my pity show through. I knew how he felt. He liked Sungmin, Sungmin didn't notice. Just like Zhou Mi, Sungmin was blind to the emotions around him.

When we reached the front desk, I noticed the hallway was occupied by the group of people going out with us, all wearing the same blue t-shirt that Wookie was wearing. Geng, Zhou Mi and I were wearing black versions of the shirt, identifying us as employees, and Heechul was wearing a pair of stunningly bright red skinny-jeans instead of the blue jeans, typical of his flamboyant personality.

I couldn't help but notice Zhou Mi at the edge of the group, not looking in my direction. I felt the sadness once again as he glanced over and me quickly before turning his back to me and speaking to Yesung about something. Just as I was starting to feel sorry for myself Geng burst through and grinned.

"Ready for your birthday outing Henry?" He exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention including Zhou Mi, who turned back around reluctantly.

So, in order not to hurt everyone's feelings, I plastered on a smile and faked it. "Yeah, I'm really excited!" Even though the only thing I really wanted to do was crawl into my rock-hard bed in my Zhou Mi-less room and cry.